Acceptance

I had a dream…

No really…it was a dream while I was asleep. Not like a MLK dream, an actual dream. The dream is already whispering away into the deep of the night, to be forgotten. Still there are emotions, visual clippings of scenes, the last pieces to remain.

I was in a home, mine. There were two men who were making repairs to the home. One was interested in me. Upon leaving I gave him my card after feverishly scrawling my phone number on it only to realize I’d combined my home number and my cell number. I was so disappointed. I recall from the dream writing a 4 instead of a 2. This was a vivid ‘mistake’ that easily dwells within my mind’s eye from the dream. Fortunately he came back and I was able to ‘fix’ the mistake.

The next scene I am traveling in a car to someone else’s home. It is a girl I knew in real life when I was 18. In my dream, she was in love with me. All the parents were against this love. I went to the restroom because for some reason I was naked underneath a blanket. (This is because I was viewing photography diaries online before going to sleep and someone was sitting at the edge of a bed with just a blanket covering her.) My friend didn’t recognize me for the real me. She was under the impression and in love with a person that was not the real me.

I finally came out of the bathroom…no she came into the bathroom. It was a nice one. She said there was a bathroom on all three floors of her house just like this one. I told her there was something I needed to tell her. I explained to her who I really was.

And she accepted me.

I look at this dream in two parts.

The first part is how I really wanted to be ‘accepted’ and/or ‘wanted’ but how I sabatoged it. I didn’t consciously mean to do so but do we ever? Okay, well, sometimes we do, but for the most part I believe we don’t do so on a level of consciousness that we readily ‘know’ what we are doing. Do I do that in real life? I’m certain I do. I may be among lots of people and feeling totally alone but I am not willing to go up and start a conversation with another person. We have to take that first big, bad, bold step if we are ever to acheive what it is we ultimately want.

That may be entering a writing contest when you are so quite confident that your piece ‘sucks’ and ‘will never win’. But taking that step and then engaging in the process, replying to other people, and such.

I’ve learned through the blogging process and with the help of a fellow friend/bloggger that for me to be successful in my own blogging experience I have to initiate conversation with other bloggers, visit, read, and comment frequently. It’s called socializing for a reason.

The other part of this dream was my own ambiguity, my own personal ‘invisibleness’ when it comes to being a writer. I want people to recognize me and yet they don’t. Why? Because I’m not out there telling them who I am. I have to be bold and confident enough to say, ‘this is me! this is who I am!’ I mean, if you aren’t willing to tell somene your name, how will they ever know what your name is? Don’t make them do the hard work. Tell them.

So here it is,

“I’m Michala. I’m a professional blogger, an avid writer (soon to be published), and it’s so very nice to meet you!”