The past few weeks have been just plain ol’ difficult creatively speaking as well as on a personal level. I’ve been spending time getting the first of my Sister Effect Series: Darkness Found edited and preparing it for its big day. I wasn’t happy with the last three chapters and so I had a friend read over it. Low and behold, she too had problems; the same ones as I. So *deep sigh* I get to go back over it and try to fix it.
My other book: book two in the Watcher’s Keep series is in outlining stage and I’m just…I don’t know whether I’m being a perfectionist or just not happy with what I’m coming up with because it isn’t good quality or what. It’s not going well in my mind and that means it isn’t getting written (at least not quite yet).
A huge part of me wants to write some smaller stuff. Tinker. This leads me to believe that I’m not emotionally ready to invest myself into the heaviness of what a series brings. That would make sense though. My exterior world includes having surgery this coming week. (Having some cancerous cells removed-hoping that’s all I need done!) I’m also in the process of finding an internship as graduate school. It requires 5…count them, FIVE internships before I can graduate. YOWZA! That means I’ll be working my weekends at the hotel and weekdays as a practicing counselor at…wherever and whoever decides to take me on.
Did I mention that it’s summertime! The kids and the husband are all out of school and work for the next two months. That alone makes is almost entirely impossible to do any good writing. Another sigh….And for all that, for all the people around me I feel ever so alone. I feel somehow diminished in my potential, in my creativity. I feel as though a piece of me is missing. I’m not sure what it is or if it is even real and not some crazy made-up moody woman mix-up that brain thinking thingy stuff. LOL
Yeah…like any of THAT made sense. Basically I’m wondering what is my life is worth the time. Worth my attention.
So what does the rearview mirror have to share with you and me today?
Looking back…looking behind…
I have to remind myself of all the things I’ve accomplished for myself. I am terribly hard on myself. I know I am a busy body, a perfectionist. I also know that I worry about failing, about starting something new and not finishing it. But I’ve done a lot in my short 34 years. And those things…no matter how epic in size they may be are all accomplishments. Whether others see them for the success they are or they remain small, invisible, and unknown…they are still accomplishments I’ve had.
I need to remember to step back from all the issues I am currently facing and remind myself that I’m a survivor. I’m a warrior. I’m an accomplished person. If I can’t accept those roles for myself, why should I expect anybody else to?
I ask that you take a moment and list some accomplishments that you’ve had in your life. Savor those. Be proud of those things. Then use those successes to cheer yourself on as your fight for the next accomplishment in your life.
Seize the present and the future through the successes of your past!