To Move or Not to Move

enpasseI am not a chess player…though recently someone asked me to play chess with them and I wasn’t being entertained any other way so I agreed to play. Of course, I had to relearn all the various manners of moving one’s pieces and I lost really bad…but it was still fun.

My friend showed me a move and tried to explain it to me…the move is called En Passe. I totally didn’t get it at first. And it really confused me when I saw this move on the computer because pieces were moving and switching places and it just looked all wrong…I wanted to exclaim ILLEGAL MOVE! I so didn’t get it.

En Passe came up again within two weeks in a conversation between my husband and myself. It wasn’t a great conversation but the terminology came up.

Again, within a week, I was hearing it again…this time on the radio. I had played chess a few more times and could even perform the move myself by now. I also knew the reasoning behind it. 

A day ago, I received a letter from a pen pal…he wrote of the move…En Passe. I wanted to scream at this point. But the nice thing about his letter…he was explaining it in terms that I could comprehend. He said it this way. You are simply choosing NOT TO MOVE.

Whether or not you chess players would agree with his definition of the move…it struck a chord deep within me…to the very core of my being. As an artist, a lover of nonverbal communication, a mistress of the romanticism of writing all the years of my life…I have been in a constant mode of EN PASSE. I was choosing not to move. keep writing

I finally realized this error within my methods and I am right here, right now, stepping out of my own EN PASSE and am giving myself over the truth of the matter. I no longer want to NOT MOVE> I want to move. I want to leap and dance and the feeling inside me…its amazing. Its a very powerful thing…God does this,I believe that to be true.I feel it within me already. Its as if the words are already there inside me just and it takes breath and awakens and I can literally feel the truth of it. Does that make sense….it sounds so crazy and yet it’s the truth.  It’s a feeling that leads me to want to dance in the rain and feel as if each drop is kisses from God. I want it to last forever…the rain…the kisses…  (Can you feel the radiance of my soul laughing and loving yet?) Can you feel me moving yet?

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