Are You Trying To Win the Argument?
You obviously have strong beliefs. And sometimes there will come into your life someone that believes the very opposite of what you believe. This can infuriate you maybe, yes? Especially if you are very passionate about something.
Or maybe it is simply a matter of something your partner said or did and it just pissed you off so freaking bad that you just have to voice yourself.
And what was once just you wanting to pronounce your feelings, your beliefs, or what-have-you…turns into a debate. And then you feel yourself growing warm all over, your jaw is maybe clenched a bit more, your heart is beating a bit faster….and low and behold, you find yourself in an all-out argument about something.
And of course….you HAVE to WIN the argument, right? Who wants to be wrong? Right?
You didn’t have to? Wait, hear me out for just a minute. What happens when you win an argument? Does it mean that you actually convinced someone of something? Not most of the time. It usually just involves hurt feelings, resentment, and sometimes even a ruined relationship. Why? Because most of the time you end up using your words as weapons and not as a means of expressing yourself, your beliefs in a meaningful way. And why is it meaningful to you? Because you feel strongly about it.
Therein lies the important thing that you must remember. FEELINGS are going to exist on both sides and can you really honestly argue against feelings? Are you really going to win an argument by telling someone their feelings are unreasonable or illogical?
I mean, if I came to you and told you that what you’re feeling is totally wrong in every way, aren’t I just stepping across that invisible boundary, trying to control what you think, feel, need, believe…
Instead of trying to win an argument, why not attempt to allow both sides to freely discuss their feelings, beliefs, ect…in an honest and open discussion. And then let both parties take away what they will but not be resentful for anything. Talk about what needs fixing, if there is something that needs fixing by saying, “I feel that it is wrong because…but I also respect your feelings. Please tell me why you feel it is right however, please respect me if I don’t accept everything you say just as I respect you even if you don’t agree with me.
Winning an argument just means someone usually ‘agreed to disagree’ or consented to be agreeable for the sole fact they don’t want to be around you over that particular issue…which probably means further meetings will be awkward.
Do you have to win? What are you willing to put at risk for the title of champion?