On Writing…. 5/31/18

Just some of my writings…could go somewhere or not. I totally don’t know where this one is headed.

Blue Ain’t Your Color
“What do you mean?” I could see him staring at his drink across the room. He ignored my question as much as my stare. “I just cancelled all my plans for this trip that you promised we would take.”
He took a sip with a heavy, slow swallow. “I don’t think it’s the right time for us to leave town right now.”
“No.” I threw my keys on the glass table. “You just don’t want to distance yourself from the other girl.” I’d known he was cheating on me for the past two weeks. I just hadn’t wanted to believe it.
He dismissed my statement by looking out the window and refusing to reply.
“So that’s the way this is going to play out?” I looked around the apartment. We had only lived here for three months. It was going to suck paying the rent by myself. “I think you should leave.”
That got Adam’s attention. He finally turned fully around and faced me. “As in move out?”
I looked him over. God, he was gorgeous. And the sex was still good. I was going to miss his body. “Yes. I think you should move out.” Go mooch off your other woman. I didn’t want to turn this conversation ugly. He wasn’t worth my energy. I grabbed my purse and picked my keys back up. “I’ll give you the night to get your stuff out.” I didn’t think I could face the apartment all alone tonight, anyway. Continue reading

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Inside My Journal…5/27/18

Snippets from my secret side… Is it a recent entry or from years ago…does it matter?

I still can’t tell whether I’m okay or not. Am I happy? What is happy? I am lazy, unmotivated, tired, lazy, fat, slobbish, but am I unhappy? I can’t tell because i can’t feel!

I haven’t attempted to do something I’m afraid to do. Does that make me weak? Fearful? Or just not adventurous?

What I….Saw

We each experience things that change us.

Moments that teach us. Force growth. Alter our beings and we are forever different than the previous moment.

Today it was a simple little event. My first child, now almost 19, about to graduate, went to prom. But that is not what I’m going to share about today.

No. I’m going to share about the crazy things you’ll do, the length and depths for your children. It sounds silly but I wanted the event to be special, you know? Yes, I realize that there are millions who never even get to go to school much less prom. I’m not in the least bit ignorant of the many blessings I have in my life. Having said that, allow me to make you laugh, or cringe, depending on the type of person you are.

Continue reading

Looking Back

2017. Cripes, what a year! I’ve had some good parts through the year, but it’s definitely been a hard year for me. I read a lot of books this year which was super awesomesauce including my ultra favorite book series by Karen Marie Moning, Fever Series. Her book Feversong came out in January 2017 so my year started off rockin’. I totally enjoyed the new Beauty and the Beast film. I considered going back to school but opted not to, at least not just yet. I felt like my writing was starting off pretty rad in January because I had some huge writing spurts but never stuck with anything. And I definitely tried a variety of things to help. I also started watching Supernatural. I’d tried before and it didn’t stick, but this time around I enjoyed it immensely. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get any of my family into it so I had to watch it all alone. Also learned that Peter Capaldi wouldn’t be coming back for another season of Doctor Who and had mixed feeling about it.

In February, I watched the Superbowl alone because my family all went to bed. Felt some great moments as a professional counselor but was constantly reminded how hard the field can be. Reread IT by Stephen King this month, too! Also did a Star Wars Marathon with my husband this month. Continue reading

Milestones

My baby girl, who recently turned 18 has been going through the whirlwind of applying to colleges. I told her it was best to focus on just five due to her being prone to anxiety. It was tough for her. Applications, parchments, transcripts, essays, and recommendation letters for high schoolers is a very exhilarating and yet frustrating time. Because Emily also attends college she had to do more. She’s graduating with almost sixty credits. She is anxious even with that because she really wanted to graduate high school with her associates degree. It’s possible, even doable. But it’s still a lot for any 18 year old to attempt.

Last week she began receiving acceptance letters. Here are her five choices in order of importance:

1. Baldwin Wallace University

2. Western Kentucky University

3. Perdue University

4. University of Tennessee

5. University of Tennessee

6. (I made her apply to Spalding University because it’s where I graduated.)

First, she heard from U of T-accepted! She was ecstatic! Her first acceptance letter. Then she heard from WKU! Second choice!!! $5,000!a year in scholarships. Then Spalding’s came in with an offer of $10,000 a year in scholarships! She was all set to calling herself a Hilltopper and we even announced it. WKU was after all not too far from home AND her second choice.

This week, yesterday in fact, she received a large envelope from BW. Yes… they accepted her. She hadn’t been expecting it because it was of course her first choice. Who gets their first choice? Not only did they accept her, they are giving her a full scholarship (almost). We will like have to pay for dorms…but wowza!!!

She is through the moon excited and at the same time nervous because it’s like five hours away from home and family. It took a while but she finally accepted cane around and is now getting used to the idea and looking forward to the experience.

Wait until time gets closer…she’s definitely gonna start feeling the fear and anxiety all over again but I know that she is going to do great! She’s going to excel in her goals to become a speech pathologist and she’s going to have wonderful journeys and adventures.

I’m always so proud of my kiddos, but yesterday was one of the top moments, to be a part of this huge milestone for my baby girl.

Hello Strangers!

fullsizerender I know that I’ve really sucked at blogging as of late. It took me a while to adapt to my new job and the hours (and driving) that comes with it. As a family crisis counselor, I travel to family homes and assist them with intensive in-home therapy three times a week per family. I love my job, but it did take me a good while to get my schedule under control, learn the job expectations, and develop my own style for success.

Needless to say, my writing was put on hold. I took 2016 off from writing in almost every way. It did not hurt. However, I am finding that beginning is hurting. I lost my motivation, lost my routine, lost some creativity, and honestly, I felt I lost a huge part of myself. Granted, story ideas, characters, and plot twists played within the confines of my mind so I can’t say I quit E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. Continue reading

Well,Color my Skittles and Draw Me A Rainbow

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It’s amazing the way people can claim to be one thing but don’t seem to realize their actions and words shout out the complete opposite.  I’m a pretty mentally strong person and I can take a good dose of evilness before it begins to wear me down.  My heart aches for people who suffer from depression,  lack of confidence,  or anxiety and have to face bullying and ridicule from friends, family,  and even strangers.  I do my best to think this world is full of goodness admist the awful,  vile things we are forced to see on a daily basis.  I could use some uplifting  beauty in my life right now.

I Know…

I know that you were scared. I know that you keep worrying and stressing. Not writing is slowly killing you on the inside. But you’ve been here before and you’ve escaped the darkness, resolved to push through all your fears. You keep telling yourself that you aren’t a writer, but you know deep down that isn’t the truth. You feel that constant need to write. It is a niche that refuses to go away. All those single line sentences that leads to wondering if that’s a good line for story. Names you here suddenly spark an idea for a new character. You see someone do something and you tell yourself you know exactly which character would do that. All those things you secretly do all amounts to one fact. You are a writer. You may let those fears and doubts drown you for a week, maybe a few months, maybe even longer than a year. It won’t change the truth. You are a writer. Always will be. So suck it up buttercup. Just right now. Yougotsdisfersure.  Love,  Me

My Family Rocks

IMG_20160827_135341.jpgMaking family time a priority shouldn’t be difficult,  but let’s be realistic. It is hard.  I work long hours and so does my husband.  I’ve long since utilized Groupon in helping me plan a monthly family day.  This includes making a big homemade breakfast,  eating as a family at the table.  Next comes  an activity,  sometimes educational and fun,  othertimes just fun.  Then we go out to eat (usually another discounted meal thanks to Groupon or not).  Then we go home and relax,  play kahoot or watch television together.

It’s not much  but it is a huge something.  It’s making memories. It’s attending and being present and telling my family with actions and behaviors they are loved,  important,  and deserve my time and attention.   And that is something they can take with them for the rest of their lives.

I’m not a perfect mom.  However,  I believe these activities make a huge difference in how they grow up.  So, what are some of your family memories.?